I believe there is such a thing as a free gift, however I do recognize how it is somewhat rare in our culture. It can be inferred that people only give gifts on Christmas because they are expecting something in return, but what about those who give above and beyond what they know they will receive in return, just out of the desire of their hearts?
Another instance of truly giving a gift is in the everyday life. It is many people's "love language" or way to show affection by giving gifts. This is found when they just randomly find something they want to give to someone because it reminds them of that person. It is simply a way to show that one is thankful for another, not a way to receive something in return.
And a final example is found in giving people money on the streets or for a local charity. Some people know they will never receive that money back, but choose to give it to a helpless cause because they want to help the common good. Of course some people will give and expect karma to take its place and somehow give them a return for their gifts, but I believe some people are truly selfless enough to give and not receive.
Monday, October 6, 2008
All good things are wild and free
This whole idea that this is "no free gift" really bothers me. Who says gifts have to be tangible? The greatest gift I've ever received was my nephew, is he not a gift? Or another that I hold nearly as dear was simple guidance on my first camping trip...these are gifts right? If you want to get right down to the nitty gritty then sure, these things cost something, whether it be 10 hours of labor or a considerable amount of patience.
As far as the tangible gifts go, I do agree that the majority of people who give gifts are only doing it on certain religious holidays they probably never acknowledge any other time of the year, such as christmas or easter. And this is sad. I personally could not care less about such holidays. They are one of america's lovely ways it earns a considerable amount of money every year by convincing ignorant citizens they must buy something. Some stores are only open for the christmas season which can drag in so much money it need not be open year round. I'm guilty also of giving into this unreasonable holiday, but I like to think that I don't buy into as much as everyone else does. It's during these holidays that people give and expect to be given to. But who likes the dreadful feeling that they must get something for someone, or even who they should get something for just because the other person will probably buy something for them?
I think we as a people need to not focus so much on religious holidays to give gifts, but instead, if we're going to give gifts have it be only out of the intention to see a smile on the face of someone we care about. I also think we should be giving more gifts of meaning, maybe gifts that some people don't consider gifts at all, just acts of kindness... as Thoreau once said, "all good things are wild and free".
As far as the tangible gifts go, I do agree that the majority of people who give gifts are only doing it on certain religious holidays they probably never acknowledge any other time of the year, such as christmas or easter. And this is sad. I personally could not care less about such holidays. They are one of america's lovely ways it earns a considerable amount of money every year by convincing ignorant citizens they must buy something. Some stores are only open for the christmas season which can drag in so much money it need not be open year round. I'm guilty also of giving into this unreasonable holiday, but I like to think that I don't buy into as much as everyone else does. It's during these holidays that people give and expect to be given to. But who likes the dreadful feeling that they must get something for someone, or even who they should get something for just because the other person will probably buy something for them?
I think we as a people need to not focus so much on religious holidays to give gifts, but instead, if we're going to give gifts have it be only out of the intention to see a smile on the face of someone we care about. I also think we should be giving more gifts of meaning, maybe gifts that some people don't consider gifts at all, just acts of kindness... as Thoreau once said, "all good things are wild and free".
Second LIfe
I watched this BBC documentary the other night on the future. At about the eleven minute mark there is a really interesting look at the culture of second life and the repercussions it may have on the rest of our society. I highly recommend watching the whole series, although I don't agree with where technology is going its defiantly important to be aware of how drastictly are world is about to change. To find the other two parts just type Visions of The Future part (and then 2 or 3).
To Give Is To Give
I can't speak for other cultures but within ours no gift is completely free. Most gifts exchanged in our culture our purchased or made from purchased goods. In these situations many people had to sacrifice time and labor in order for you to receive what ever it is you wish to pass on. You also had to work in order to receive money which you had to exchange to purchase the goods. And even if you pulled an Andy Goldsworthy and make your gift entirely from objects found in nature, you are still giving your time to make the gift.
Most gifts are not given altruistically. Many times gift are given to pull emotional strings and tighten bonds. Other times gifts are given out of guilt. In short people will often give gifts to feel better about themselves or make someone feel better about them (although this might not be the gifts only intent).
I think gift giving is one of our cultures low points. In most cases gifts are given at set times of the year, in many cases tied to religions that many don't even practice. The focus is placed on obligations so that companies can achieve the highest profits. Our culture's gift giving is tied more to economics then to traditional custom. But I guess individuals serving large multi-national corporations is an American custom :(
Most gifts are not given altruistically. Many times gift are given to pull emotional strings and tighten bonds. Other times gifts are given out of guilt. In short people will often give gifts to feel better about themselves or make someone feel better about them (although this might not be the gifts only intent).
I think gift giving is one of our cultures low points. In most cases gifts are given at set times of the year, in many cases tied to religions that many don't even practice. The focus is placed on obligations so that companies can achieve the highest profits. Our culture's gift giving is tied more to economics then to traditional custom. But I guess individuals serving large multi-national corporations is an American custom :(
No Gift is Free
No gift is 100% free, which is why gifts should be less obligated at events common in our society (birthdays, weddings, graduations, etc). Whether someone has gone out and purchased a tangible gift, or given their time and companionship to a dear friend, nothing can be given without some sort of sacrifice. One must put forth effort, currency, skill, or time in order to give a gift.
A toaster cannot just be given out of nothing, just like friendship cannot just be given out of nothing. Someone had to work for the money and then spend it on the toaster, or someone had to spend lots of time and effort on building the friendship. This money or this time could have been used on anything, but choosing to spend it on another makes it special. That isn't to say that giving a loved one a gift on an important day for them, such as their graduation or confirmation, is not kind. I just do not think that gift-giving should be so expected and forced.
How special is one gift to a child on Christmas if they have 20 others? Giving them the one gift that they truly want would be more appreciative and less spoiling. I think that maturing and understanding the amount of time we have in life, and the value of a dollar makes a gift more special. We can learn to appreciate the price that person has paid to somehow celebrate another.
A toaster cannot just be given out of nothing, just like friendship cannot just be given out of nothing. Someone had to work for the money and then spend it on the toaster, or someone had to spend lots of time and effort on building the friendship. This money or this time could have been used on anything, but choosing to spend it on another makes it special. That isn't to say that giving a loved one a gift on an important day for them, such as their graduation or confirmation, is not kind. I just do not think that gift-giving should be so expected and forced.
How special is one gift to a child on Christmas if they have 20 others? Giving them the one gift that they truly want would be more appreciative and less spoiling. I think that maturing and understanding the amount of time we have in life, and the value of a dollar makes a gift more special. We can learn to appreciate the price that person has paid to somehow celebrate another.
No Gift is Free
In our present day society there exists a certain amount of expectation placed the idea of "gifts". For the majority of the time, gifts are expected to be given or received. There are the cases of birthdays, holidays, and personal celebrations, which are preconceived and reciprocal. If you give someone a present for their birthday, you might expect one back when your time comes around. There are also the cases of gift giving that are completely spontaneous, but quite often gifts act like bribery specimens.
I don't think that there is such thing as a "free gift". There is always some ulterior motive other than the fronted generosity. For example, when companies give out "free gifts", more often than not they are trying to spread free advertising. In many instances, people use gifts, both big and small, in order to get other people to reciprocate their generosity by helping them out in one way or another. Political lobbyists would be a prime example of this type of gift giving.
In my own experiences growing up in a Chinese family, I celebrated Chinese New Year where I would receive red packets of money call hong bao's as gifts from all the adults. When I was younger, I did not understand the dynamics placed on the gift giving. When I got older I began to understand that it was just a way for the older generation to ensure that they are taken care of when they age. I don't mean to imply that there is always this overbearing negative connotation to gift giving, but simply, that no gift is truely free.
I don't think that there is such thing as a "free gift". There is always some ulterior motive other than the fronted generosity. For example, when companies give out "free gifts", more often than not they are trying to spread free advertising. In many instances, people use gifts, both big and small, in order to get other people to reciprocate their generosity by helping them out in one way or another. Political lobbyists would be a prime example of this type of gift giving.
In my own experiences growing up in a Chinese family, I celebrated Chinese New Year where I would receive red packets of money call hong bao's as gifts from all the adults. When I was younger, I did not understand the dynamics placed on the gift giving. When I got older I began to understand that it was just a way for the older generation to ensure that they are taken care of when they age. I don't mean to imply that there is always this overbearing negative connotation to gift giving, but simply, that no gift is truely free.
The Gift Elephant in the Room
Gift giving in America has typically become a dreadful experience. Christmas shopping, birthday shopping, going to the mall, ugh. But it doesn't have to be that way. Gift giving can be joyful and fun, the way it is supposed to be!
My family has a tradition where every year around Christmas time my whole family (around 50 people) cram into my house for a weekend of family fun. We catch up with each other's lives, play games, and eat a lot of casseroles. My favorite activity that we do is the White Elephant Gift Exchange. A lot of people do this differently, but this is how my family does it. Every takes something from their house (no purchasing things from the store!) and wraps it up as a gift. The crazier/more useless the item the better! Everyone gets a number. Whoever has number 1 gets to choose a gift from under the tree. Number 2 can choose a gift, or steal number 1's gift. We don't open any of them until the end of the game, so it is fun to trade and steal boxes that have unknown contents. At the end of the game everybody laughs about what is inside the wrapping paper, but the real gift is the fun we have as a family.
My family has a tradition where every year around Christmas time my whole family (around 50 people) cram into my house for a weekend of family fun. We catch up with each other's lives, play games, and eat a lot of casseroles. My favorite activity that we do is the White Elephant Gift Exchange. A lot of people do this differently, but this is how my family does it. Every takes something from their house (no purchasing things from the store!) and wraps it up as a gift. The crazier/more useless the item the better! Everyone gets a number. Whoever has number 1 gets to choose a gift from under the tree. Number 2 can choose a gift, or steal number 1's gift. We don't open any of them until the end of the game, so it is fun to trade and steal boxes that have unknown contents. At the end of the game everybody laughs about what is inside the wrapping paper, but the real gift is the fun we have as a family.
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